Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I Want to Be Courageous

I'm not a very brave person.  I'm not a risk-taker or even a spontaneous person.  I plan ahead, plan for hiccups, plan for worst case scenarios, plan for success.  I calculate and weigh the pros and cons so that when I go into uncharted territory, I have the best possible picture of what to expect.

That being said, I've made a "career decision" that leaves me feeling very vulnerable.  I'm second-guessing myself, wanting to be there for people that I care about but knowing that their decisions should not hold me back from putting God, my husband, and my ministry commitments first.  Still, you know how it goes, there are always questions that you cannot answer, the "what if's" that haunt you if you let them.  As the worry-wart type, I often do.  I feel more secure worrying, to be honest. 

Then this morning, I read the blog of my sister-in-law, Tiffany, who is currently in Africa on a missions trip.  (Check her blog out at http://tiffanychen.theworldrace.org) She signed up to go on an 11-month missions trip to 11 different countries around the world.  She left in September 2011.  Everything she's going through makes my problems seem so insignificant.  I wish I could say that I've cast out demons in the name of God and conquered the unknown in a foreign country for my Lord. 

How much better would the world be if all of us were as brave as we were when we wrote stories?  I am cut-throat when I write.  I hesitate (but not much) when I delete pages.  I send my characters into dark corners, thinking, "Let's see what happens," knowing that no time is wasted as long as I learn more about them.  Why can't we live life like that?  We so often are scared of the "what if's" that we are paralyzed by the question marks.  We write with reckless abandon, yet we live in holes.  We were made for so much more than this.

4 comments:

  1. I think I understand where you're coming from. I believe courage is like physical strength--the gains come slowly, with effort and with determination. We have to start small, face the small fears, and conquer them. Then we move on in a natural progression to the point where we can face the bigger fears.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you so much for your comment! I wrote something fabulous in reply a week ago, and then all of the sudden, it didn't seem so fabulous anymore.

    The older I get, the more I realize that life is less and less about who I am. It sorta side-swipes me every time. And sometimes its just plain scary. Yet I will be bold and courageous! I must.

    ReplyDelete
  3. So good. I think about the same thing with my characters. They always seem so much braver than me. Why can't I go where they go, do what they do?

    "Courageous" is actually my word of the year for 2012, so that's why this post caught my attention. Good stuff!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You've seen the movie, "Courageous," right? :)

      Delete