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| Photography by Kenneth J. Wong Photography |
A few weeks ago, we took our first family portrait that included the newest additions to my family. It was a big deal to my family. My family of six has always been loving but also tight-knit and exclusive, putting up a protective wall of sarcasm and an armor of cold shoulders to defend from invaders. The family unit resisted when I first tried to invite my then boyfriend (now husband) to the sacred Christmas tree decorating tradition. How dare I invite an outsider to something just for family members?For my birthday, my sister-in-law gave me a necklace she purchased while in Africa on missions. It was a small pearl heart on a delicate gold chain. She bought one for me, herself, her sister, and my mother-in-law. To be included in the gift meant the world to me. I was one of the Chen women.
I am strong advocate of family, but I have to admit, though I might not have verbalized it, prior to my marriage, family was blood only. People could get close, but family was a non-negotiable.
However, as time goes on, my concept of family is changing. I am beginning to find that the family unit in America is too broken and fragile to only let blood-related people to pass as family. The steadfast, unconditional loyalty and love that comes with being family needs to extend past the walls of our home.
As one of my friends recently posted: "I will always believe that families are not born, they're made."
For those who have family, we must cling to them. Such a thing is precious and something worthy of protection. However, we must also allow for inclusion so that all may know of the unconditional love that a family can give.
Amen sister!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful words.
Funny you should mention that incident. I have felt that way and grown up that way. Family is blood, yes, but it's meant to be shared and envelope those around you. Opening the Christmas tree decorating tradition to boyfriends was an issue with your Father. It was the whisper of things to come. The acknowledgement that his girls will not be his girls much longer. I think when you're a parent who holds his flock so dear and enjoys having them in the nest, it's very hard to transition to letting them fly off with another bird whom you don't really know.
ReplyDeleteMy idea of family has been transformed with my marriage. I still struggle with having Jon's family be my family now. For anyone, probably, it is difficult to accept any outsider. Dad had that difficulty, and while I didn't understand it then, I understand it now. I'll probably be the same way when my kids start inviting people to sacred family traditions.
DeleteBut from that point until now, it has been a steady and good transition. On both ends. I have everyone to thank for that. :)