My Right to Be Angry

You might be like me, and have a few people that you are continuously angry with.  For me, they have done "legitimate" harm to me; they've hurt me.  While I am not without fault, I was definitely wronged by most people's standards.

I'm so tired of carrying around the emotional weight, but I can't seem to let it go.  How in the world am I supposed to forgive them?  I wish it were just as easy as throwing something away or taking off a heavy jacket. 

Did you know that the origin of the word "forgiveness" comes from the Old English forgiefan "give, grant, allow; forgive," also "to give up" and "to give in marriage;" from for- "completely" + giefan "give"? 

The modern sense of "to give up desire or power to punish" is from use of the compound as a Germanic loan-translation of Latin 'perdonare'. (Source: Online Etymology) 

In other words, forgiveness means completely giving up of your right to be angry.

Well, sorta.  It's not a bad thing to be angry.  It's a bad thing when you carry around emotional baggage, grudges, or other pent up negative energy because someone has done something bad to you.

That's what I mean by your "right to be angry".  Forgiveness means giving THAT up.

Why I Never Make New Year's Resolutions

Any opportunity for self-improvement is a good.  I'm all for trying to make ourselves better people, whether that be aimed our health, spirituality, or personality.

In an article by Forbes Magazine, they estimated about 40% of Americans make New Year's Resolutions.

They also estimated that only about 8% of Americans keep them.

So despite all of the zeal and determination our country has, somewhere along the line it just isn't enough.  Perhaps we're setting our sights too high (who can really lose 30 pounds in 30 days?) or maybe it is that we're just not trying hard enough.

That is why I don't make New Year's Resolutions.

This is the God We Serve

I'm not one to toot my own horn.  Well, I used to be, but I'm trying to not do that as much anymore.  (Ironic when I have a personal blog?)  I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want this to be about me.  Because its not.  This whole thing.  The blog, the video, my life.  It's not about me.

Because I serve a great God.

The video above is the message that I gave at my church back in October.  If you haven't already, I would be honored if you would watch it.  It's been on Youtube for awhile now, but I haven't had a chance to really develop my thoughts into something tangible.  What I kept coming back to was simply this phrase:

Grace Starts Now

Someone I know well, whom I will call Meryl, has more than once said mean, hurtful things to me.  She's the type of person who, when stressed and under pressure, buckles and starts lashing out because it feels like everything is falling down around her.

Recently, Meryl assumed I had done something to hurt her when it was in fact an oversight.  Well, regardless of what it was, she told me this, and I was angry.  It was an honest mistake.  I wasn't trying to do any harm or disrespect.

So, I got mad. I vented to my husband via text.  I start thinking of all the things I wanted to say but hadn't out of restraint.  I thought of all the ways I was right and all of the ways she was wrong.

The next day, she apologized, saying that she was wrong, that she knew I had just made an honest mistake, and it was poor character for her to say those things.

Ouch.

Why There Are Rules

I like rules.  I like knowing what I can and cannot do.  I like knowing if I break this rule, that bad consequences will follow, but if I follow the rule, positive consequences will follow. 

But sometimes, that is a problem.  I forget the reason why we have rules.  I start following rules for the sake of rules being rules.  Life isn't always black and white, not always so cut and dry.  Sometimes there is gray. 

Without rules, you wouldn't have grace.