My Husband Isn't My Soul Mate Either

This blog post is a response to another blog post I read called My Husband is Not My Soul Mate.  Take time to read it.  It's pretty awesome.  She starts off building a background on the perpetration of the soul mate idea in Christian churches:

Do you remember those awesome Evangelical 90’s/ early 2000’s where Jesus was kind of like our boyfriend and we all kissed dating good-bye because we just knew that God was going to bring us THE ONE and then life would be awesome? ... We would know that he was THE ONE because of his plethora of WWJD bracelets and because (duh) he had also kissed dating goodbye and was waiting for me, strumming Chris Tomlin songs on his guitar as he stared into whatever campfire was nearby. We would get married and it would be awesome FOREVER. If you were like me, in devote preparation for this moment, you wrote letters to your future spouse, preferably in a leather bound journal dotted with your overwhelmed tears.

The fact of the matter is that there is a small part of us that wants to hold on to that idea of a perfect mate, someone who will be so obscenely compatible with us, it will be disgusting. 

But that isn't reality.

An Austenland Movie Review (from someone who has read the book)

First off, you must understand that I have read the Austenland novel more than once, and it has taken its place amongst one of my favorite novels.  It's not a masterpiece of literature by any long shot, but I appreciated the depth of character in what most would consider a chick flick.  On top of that, it is a fun read.

The Austenland movie came out awhile ago with a limited showing, so I wasn't able to see it until recently.  I write this review with the premise that I am judging the book's portrayal in cinematic form, not as a stand-alone film.

I understand that the move from book to movie requires changes.  There is not a way one can accurately translate a reader's imagination and a character's internal dialogue easily to the screen.  So, I go into the movie understanding that there will be changes and it won't be the same as the book.

Disappointment #1: Use of Satire

While the novel definitely has elements of humor, director Jerusha Hess, best known for Napoleon Dynamite, took that element to a new level and made Austenland a satire.

I understand how she could take it that direction.  In the end, Shannon Hale, author of the novel, is poking light fun at our society's view of romance and women's obsession with Mr. Darcy.  However, taking it to the ridiculous level that Hess does in order to emphasize the satire disregarded Hale's subtle empathy for the Darcy-obsessed.

Loving When There is So Much to Lose

Marriage has its moments. Moments of pure, unadulterated contentment. Moments of deep and continual longing. Moments of unthinkable hurt, anger and frustration. Moments of just being sad.

There is so much to lose because is so much to gain. You place everything, practically, in the hands of someone else and tell them, “Take care of these things please.” The challenge is you give them your heart without much of an instruction manual.

There are times in my life when I've had things click, those ah-ha! moments that you feel so stupid for not figuring it out earlier (it was so simple!) but at the same time, so proud that you have attained this new-found perspective.  I like to share those things with you.  I hope that by sharing some of my blood, sweat and tears, you can avoid the same.

Here is one of the moments that someone did that for me.  I heard this on the Air1 radio station and its been gnawing at me ever since.  The host, Brant, was telling about a recent argument with his wife in which she doubted him.  Then he said this:

The Birthday Battle

I recently celebrated a birthday, and I have to say that my birthday isn't really something I look forward to.  I don't have that same unbridled excitement I had when I was a kid, just ready to soak in everyone singing to me.

Now, I sit for those 15 seconds while everyone sings Happy Birthday, and in all honesty, it feels a little awkward.  I mean, who do I look at?  I usually end up staring at the cake, sneaking a timid glance up every once in awhile just to see everyone staring at me.

I also don't like the attention while I'm opening gifts either.  I open them and hope I don't react horribly.  I want to show them how much you love the gift, but I'm not that good of an actor.  Not that I get bad gifts, but its just hard to show enthusiasm for the gift card when you just opened a super thoughtful Princess Bride board game from your sister (I'm a Princess Bride fan and the gift was very thoughtful).

Why There Are Rules

I like rules.  I like knowing what I can and cannot do.  I like knowing if I break this rule, that bad consequences will follow, but if I follow the rule, positive consequences will follow. 

But sometimes, that is a problem.  I forget the reason why we have rules.  I start following rules for the sake of rules being rules.  Life isn't always black and white, not always so cut and dry.  Sometimes there is gray. 

Without rules, you wouldn't have grace. 

An Author's Biggest Fears

It's a daunting task to submit your personal work for publication.  Whether art, music, or writing, any human creation gets personal.  It is near impossible to distance yourself from your work.  It's a part of you; it's woven its way through every facet of your being.  Sounds like an exaggeration, but I don't think so.

All of the biggest fears you face as a writer stem from that same fundamental connection:

I Started a Facebook Page!

I feel a little presumptuous starting my own Facebook page.  I'm not a celebrity.  I'm no one "special."  But like all good marketing strategies, you have to be excited about your product and you have to want to tell people about it.

I took some photos this weekend to flesh out my blog, my Twitter, my Facebook page, my Google+ page, etc.  So, I'm going to be tweaking those bit by bit to make it all uniform.

Anyway, I would be most honored if you would "like" me on Facebook.  It doesn't mean the world to me, but it does mean something to know people support an overly self confident person like me who just likes to write whatever is on her mind and publish it on the Internet.

I'm working on my novel, still, which as you all know about my life, is slow in coming.  But its coming!  It will get here someday.  It will.  And then you guys can all read it and let me know what you think.

Anyway, here is the special link: https://www.facebook.com/writercherylchen

I'll be looking forward to our continuing conversations together!

How Kissing Dating Goodbye Affected My Marriage

There was a book I read in middle school called I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris.  Harris preludes the book on his website by saying: "I was 21-years old when I wrote my story of giving up the dating game in order to focus on serving God."

At the time (circa 1997), the book took the Christian world by storm.  I read it along with some of my girlfriends and soaked it up as an impressionable thirteen-year-old.  I wanted to be pure, and I wanted to be good in God's eyes.

Following that book, I was inundated with messages encouraging me to save myself for marriage, to dress modestly, to be wary of dating, thinking of my future husband.  While I know all of the messages (as well as their senders) were well-intentioned and earnest, at my age and with my little experience in the world of boys and girls, not much of it translated in a healthy way.