Misconceptions of Marriage

During my time as a single person, I looked at marriage from a very different angle than someone who is actually married.  For the most part, I only saw the public face of marriage.  Not often, even from my own parents, did I see the private side.

From that perspective, I formed a lot of assumptions on what marriage was, how it functioned, why it existed.  Many of those assumptions were not entirely accurate. 

One misconception that I believed was that in marriage you learn more about your spouse. Sounds logical, right?  You're departing your life as an individual and becoming a unit. But I found that I was wrong. In marriage, you learn more about yourself.

Our marriage counselors from Between Two Trees told us in premarital counseling that marriage holds a mirror up in front of yourself.  You are forced to confront, in a new and more intimate way than before, the best and worst parts of yourself.

It's true.  You do learn about your spouse, but I think I've learned more about who I am, what my needs/likes/dislikes/foundations/beliefs are than I have learned about my husband.  I've come face-to-face with my state of internal growth.  Sometimes, its not pleasant.  It hurts to realize your inner desires and admit that they are selfish.  But that step is necessary, important, and vital to the strength and lasting of your marriage, to your personal growth.

This process, though, is extremely important to your marriage.  Your spouse is that mirror.  Sometimes, you don't want to look, but it is important that you do.  You take a good look.  You study what you see.  Then you turn to your spouse and say, "I want to make myself better.  And I want to do it for you and for me."

The process of making yourself a better, more perfect fit for your spouse is invaluable.

I'm new to this whole marriage thing, so beyond the realization that this process needs to happen, I have little experience.  What I do anticipate though is only good: a stronger and richer marriage.   



Soli Deo Gloria


Related posts:
The Transition from My to Our
'Til Death Do Us Part
525,949 Minutes of Marriage

The Identity of Home

My husband and I embarked on shopping for our first home purchase together earlier this year.  I have often been forewarned about how stressful the process is.  And being first-time home buyers, it was even more daunting. 

In the beginning, there was a lot of learning taking place.  The market is pretty aggressive, we didn't know that much about escrows, mortgages, or offers.  We also didn't really know what we were looking for in a house, what we liked and dislike about the structure itself.  Not to mention it was hard to look past the current occupant's decorating and really see the house for its true potential.

Something I discovered was how strong of a word home is to me.  You know how the word love is indefinable to poets?  The word home is very similar for me.  It has such a profound connotation, so much wealth of history.  I grew up in a home that I adored, loved and found security in.  To search for another structure to provide that same thing for my future family is both exciting and nerve-wracking.  I feel like I'm choosing my college all over again.

Finding Security: A tribute to Fathers

It always seems like Mother's Day outshines Father's Day.  Maybe its because it comes first and we run out of steam by June.  Perhaps it is because in our society, many people find pain associated with their fathers.

I am often reminded at Father's Day of the oft-used saying: Anyone can become a father, but it takes a real man to be a Dad.

Cliche but true.  Dads are so important.  The nurturing love of a mother should not be forgotten, but there is something special about the way a man loves. And that love is so desperately needed in today's society. 

The Gift of Giving

 

"You're changing that boy's life."

"No, he's changing mine." 

Sandra Bullock as Leigh Ann Touhy 

The Blind Side (2009)

Late 2012, my husband began praying, asking God to really bless our efforts to reach out to others.  He started taking some of the guys in our college group out to dinner.  The first one he hung out with was Michael.

At the time, Michael was living at a friend’s house and was faced with the possibility that he might not be able to stay there much longer.  Jon told me, in the future, Michael might need a place to live and approached me about offering our extra room for him if the opportunity arose.  It seemed God was being very clear.

I have to admit that I had a lot of reservations.  Being newlyweds, I had become attached to our easy privacy at home. Selfishly, that was my first worry.  How would the presence of a third person in the house affect our marriage?

Why Men Matter, Why You Should Care

Digging through some old online archives, I stumbled upon gem from 2010.  My husband was going to The Art Institute of Orange County, and I read this article in their school newspaper.  I was drawn to it, saved it, and even today, still feel like it deserves a larger spot light.  Men deserve it.

The author of this article, Lindsey Newman, is currently a copywriter in the Los Angeles area.  You can find out more about her at her website: lindseynewmanwrites.com.  Besides copywriter, she's also a blogger, designer, artist, photographer, and wannabe chef.  We also both live off of caffeine! Lindsey can be contacted via email at
hirelindseynewman@gmail.com.


Why Men Matter, Why You Should Care
by Lindsey Newman

For the past century we have been a nation focused on gender and race equality. Starting with women's suffrage in the early 1900s and 60s, to the feminist movement of the 60s and 70s (not to mention the current election of our first African-American president), we have made great strides in our development as a country. However, it seems that as of late we may be reversing our progress by ignoring the differences inherent to what we were originally created to be: men and women.