Why You Haven't Heard from Me Lately

As you can see, I've taken a hiatus from new blog posts recently.  You might be wondering why. 

I'm feeling anxious lately.  I want to write, but every time I sit down and work on the book I've been tackling, I get too jittery and get up.  I can't sit still.  I struggle to motivate myself at work.  I want something new, but I feel like its wiser to stay the course and wait for the emotions to die down.  Still, I'm not ignoring them.  Just keeping my eyes open to see if anything pops up.

Alas...the bills need to be paid and responsibility needs to happen.  That's what keeps me on the ground.

Is it wise to take a break from your novel?

I've decided to take a little hiatus from working on my YA novel, and I'm quite hesitant about doing so.

I'm at that point in my editing where I feel like my novel is horrid and so far from everything I want it to be that its not salvageable.  Of course, no novel is beyond the point of saving.  It just feels that way.  (If you didn't get it, I'm at the "dark night of the soul" part.)

You can probably relate.  You don't connect with your protagonist (or any of your characters, really).  You wonder why you're writing the thing in the first place.  You lack drive to see it through.

It was a dark and stormy night once upon a time...

I have a writer's confession to make.

I like cliches.

I'm a little ashamed of it.  After all, you're taught pretty much once you leave elementary school that cliches are "sooooo yesterday".  Overused and not creative.

But they once were creative.  Once saying someone's heart thumped in their chest caused someone to nod in approval.  Once wracking one's brain was clever.  At one time, a blanket of snow opened a reader's mind to a new scene.

An Author's Biggest Fears

It's a daunting task to submit your personal work for publication.  Whether art, music, or writing, any human creation gets personal.  It is near impossible to distance yourself from your work.  It's a part of you; it's woven its way through every facet of your being.  Sounds like an exaggeration, but I don't think so.

All of the biggest fears you face as a writer stem from that same fundamental connection:

Novel Update: Day 1169

On March 16, 2010, I began writing my first novel as an adult.  I had just graduated college with my bachelors in English and an emphasis in Creative Writing, Fiction, and I wasn't going to waste any time.  Just as my professor Ron Carlson told me, I was going to set a precedent for my working life.  The first thing I did after finishing my last college class was start my novel. 

Five days later, I wrote my first blog post on this blog, sending it out into the void.  After 373 days, I finished my first draft.  Now, 3 years, 2 months and 12 days after that day in March, I'm still working on that same novel.

It's been a long and tedious process, mainly because of life.  In those 3 years, I've gotten engaged, then married.  I moved to my first new home since I was 8 years old.  And I've been working full-time 50 miles from my home.  So, really I should be a lot further along.

My Name is Not Amy Tan

When I write, I always hesitate putting in my character's ethnicity.  Sometimes, I've specifically imagined my character being white, Asian, etc., but I never include that information in the story.  I tend to keep the hair and eye color pretty generic; they vary between different shades of brown. They never have a last name.

I am American-born Chinese, and though I've never specifically had someone tell me this, I feel like if I do mention a character's ethnicity in my story, then its automatically about race.

Writer's Block Doesn't Exist

Sometimes I think we writers like to use "writer's block" as an excuse to explain why they were less productive than they should have been.

I'm not quite sure that writer's block really exists.  True, there are times where the words fly naturally and fluidly off my fingers, and there are times (more often) that I stare at the computer screen and retype the same sentence over and over.

But isn't that how it is with everything?  There are on days and there are off days.

There isn't some mystical force that spreads writer's block germs around.  

It Takes Two

As an English major, writer, and human being, I am acutely aware that what you say usually isn't what is heard.

That's usually a problem.

Anyone who's dated know this firsthand.  You say one thing, he hears another.  That's the issue with communication is that there are TWO people involved.  Two very different people with different sets of vocabulary, connotations, backgrounds, upbringings, and slang.

We're not even getting into body language here, just words for the moment.

My belief is that it is the responsibility of the communicator to do their best to ensure that the listener is understanding what is being communicated in the intended way.

Words for the Indescribable

As a writer, I've never been good at writing scene (describing the setting).  I find it difficult to build not only the objects in the room but also the mood simultaneously.  Its a difficult task, and those who do it well, I envy you.  However, I do find that building a room is easier than describing nature scenery.

How to Make Boring Editing Fun

Admit it.  99.99999% of writers hate editing our work.  But its necessary 100% of the time.

If you follow my Twitter, I recently bemoaned the fact that I realized I needed to change my entire novel to first person POV. 

I was dreading the work.  It was enough brain-numbing work to sit down and just edit my old chapters for consistency, plot, character, big picture questions, etc. etc.  Now I would have to go through and recheck/change every single pronoun and verb TOO?! 

Needless to say, I was doing my writer whining.  I tried the "Find and Replace" feature (word to the wise, it doesn't work).  I tried just skimming and changing each pronoun and verb.  That didn't work either.  I would miss ones and some sentences would just not sound right.

So, I printed out my old draft and began retyping into a new Word document.  I would see the sentence, "She ran through the castle," and type, "I ran through the castle."  It seems the long-way to do it, but it was much better.  Here are the reasons why:

Persuasive Fiction

I recall a time in high school English class in which we studied "persuasive writing" or "argumentative writing."  We were given a controversial topic--often something important like whether taking sodas out of vending machines would really stop childhood obesity--and then were required to write an essay arguing for or against.

I would argue--aha, you see what I did there--that everything we write is persuasive to a certain extent.  Even descriptive writing can be persuasive.

I shall define at this moment, like a good English student, that "persuasive/argumentative writing" is not as linear as arguing for or against an idea but rather writing that tries to persuade the reader or make a point.

As a result, my statement that something like, "The light bulb in the room dimmed, then flickered, then went out," can be persuasive doesn't sound as silly. (See?  That is why it is important to define your terms.)  As a fiction writer, that statement is trying to persuade the reader that the room is spooky or what have you, depending on the context.

A story is persuasive because as an author, whether you do it consciously or subconsciously, you're trying to prove something to you reader.  This is often interpreted as the theme of the story.

Therefore, a story is a vessel in which to try and convey your ideas to readers.  Albeit a much gentler method than straight out debate, I think it is important as a write to understand the power each individual word/sentence/paragraph has.  Each element is an example of persuasive writing and is working together toward describing a bigger idea, which is ultimately a piece of the writer's heart.

The Test for Every Writer

As a writer, I am constantly in one of these three states:

1) Insatiable: I have to write. I need to write. There is this longing that every time I sit in front of a computer or I have a pen in my hand, that I must put something creative. One word: Passion.

2) Determined: There's no burning desire or anything, but because I've committed myself to finish that wretched novel, no matter how much it drips of cliche, I'm going to finish it.  At least to be able to tell myself that I did.  There may be varying levels of joy in the process, but the determination is really what pushes me along.

3) Exhausted: There are too many other things to do.  I don't know why I'm wasting my time on this thing.  I know I should do it, I know that I need to work on my writing, but somehow I can't muster up anything (drive, courage, will-power) to get anything out.  I am so discouraged on multiple levels that I often wonder where that insatiable desire went.

Isn't that how it is with anything you love?  Whether it be a person (your husband, your sister, your best friend), any other hobbies or even your work.  Life fluctuates, as does your resolve and your emotions.  Understandable.

The trick is in the "exhausted" stage, one that I often refer to as "burn out", somehow one must find the hidden, often inexplicable energy to continue on.  Whether in writing or in marriage, it's all the same.  It is in those times, when you really don't want to have anything to do with it, that you really prove your love.  As they say, its not real unless its been tested and still stands. 

The Journey of Writing

I had the rare occasion today to sit and read a physical book for hours while waiting for my car to be serviced. I didn't really like the book that much, but reading always makes me want to write.  Either to produce something better than what I read or to explore characters in the same way I get to explore them as I read.

So, I returned home and sat in front of my laptop to write.  I started on a story that I had been contemplating for some time, and I was immediately disappointed.  In no way was this writing process as enjoyable and easy as reading.  Where was the effortless explosion of character?  Why did I not have a firm grasp on this person's character?  I wanted so badly to enjoy that writer climax in which my fingers are flying across the keys because I know exactly what to write and because I feel so close and intimate with this person I created, like they are my new best friend.

But writing is much like life in this way.  A writer does not normally achieve that sort of euphoric state without effort.  In fact, the effort is what creates the joy.  We find joy because we put in effort.  The relationships with our characters are just like the relationships with those around us: the intimacy must be earned by spending time with them, listening, and putting their needs before your own.  Only then are you truly able to partake in that breathtaking climatic moment of intimacy.

So, even though I feel like giving up on this story because I'm not "feeling it" right away, I'm going to keep on.  Perseverance will yield much in the end.

Reading and Writing

As a writer, reading is paramount in importance.  Reading is as essential to the writing process as food is to eating.  At first, I resisted this notion because I didn't have a lot of time to read.  I thought, "I can still write and not read!" True, you can. 

 
However, I realized the writing is very much a collaboration.  Often, in the midst of competition and pride, this sense gets lost and discarded for the sake of maintaining one's sense of writer dignity.  I am blessed to be a part of two workshops in which the attendees all understand that we can be brutally honest when we constructively critique each other's work.  We understand that their input is vital, and we respect each other.

So, reading is a collaboration.  But what about published books?

I honestly miss reading a book.  I don't have nearly enough time to read.  So, I spend my daily three-hour total commute to read in the car.  Audible has become my best friend.  I'm able to read a book about every two weeks listening to it in the car, and the audio makes the drives go by in a flash.

Some people argue that listening to a book isn't as "legit" as reading it.  I think both have their pluses and minuses.  (That could be a whole blog post by itself.  We'll save it for another time.)  Nevertheless, audio books, though they will never replace the tangible book, have given me an opportunity to get consistent reading in.

The results?  I find that I'm more consistently enthusiastic to write.  Reading other people's stories gets me excited about mine.  And not even considering all of the rest of possible consequences, I'd say that's a pretty good deal.

I Want to Be Courageous

I'm not a very brave person.  I'm not a risk-taker or even a spontaneous person.  I plan ahead, plan for hiccups, plan for worst case scenarios, plan for success.  I calculate and weigh the pros and cons so that when I go into uncharted territory, I have the best possible picture of what to expect.

That being said, I've made a "career decision" that leaves me feeling very vulnerable.  I'm second-guessing myself, wanting to be there for people that I care about but knowing that their decisions should not hold me back from putting God, my husband, and my ministry commitments first.  Still, you know how it goes, there are always questions that you cannot answer, the "what if's" that haunt you if you let them.  As the worry-wart type, I often do.  I feel more secure worrying, to be honest. 

Then this morning, I read the blog of my sister-in-law, Tiffany, who is currently in Africa on a missions trip.  (Check her blog out at http://tiffanychen.theworldrace.org) She signed up to go on an 11-month missions trip to 11 different countries around the world.  She left in September 2011.  Everything she's going through makes my problems seem so insignificant.  I wish I could say that I've cast out demons in the name of God and conquered the unknown in a foreign country for my Lord. 

How much better would the world be if all of us were as brave as we were when we wrote stories?  I am cut-throat when I write.  I hesitate (but not much) when I delete pages.  I send my characters into dark corners, thinking, "Let's see what happens," knowing that no time is wasted as long as I learn more about them.  Why can't we live life like that?  We so often are scared of the "what if's" that we are paralyzed by the question marks.  We write with reckless abandon, yet we live in holes.  We were made for so much more than this.

Guest Blog Post

I had the honor of being able to be a guest blogger on Angela E.J. Koh's blog.  Check it out!

http://angelaejkoh.com/2011/06/27/guest-blogger-cheryl-chen-on-the-writers-stereotype/

Musings on the Writing Life

Everyone is telling me that I'm at a unique stage in my life.  Some people say its the most exciting, many people say its the most stressful, others say that its a period of change.  All are correct in their own way.  Preparing for a wedding IS a big deal.  It is stressful, there is a lot to do, and a lot of things are changing.  I'm adjusting alright, I suppose.  Its hard to tell until after its over.

I have to admit that my writing has gone to the bottom of the priority list.  Between church, family (which has now expanded to include my fiance's family), church, wedding planning, and friends, I have had little time to work on my own writing.


Much of my creative writing education in college stressed, whether explicitly or implicitly, that in order to be a good writer, you have to make your writing the #1 priority in your life.  I'd have to say that right now, its a #10 priority, if that.  I have a ton of other things that I value more than getting my novel done.  Is that wrong?  For some people, it is.  They would say that my writing will be sacrificed, that in order to excel, I need to be drowning in writing.  Reading, editing, writing, workshopping, etc.  I need to be able to put my job aside, my friends aside, and concentrate on my writing.

I admit that many prestigious authors have lived this way of life and they have reaped the benefits.  But who is there to rejoice with them when they succeed?  If we put our family and friends second to our writing, in the end, who is going to be there to help us when we fall or cheer us on when we're nearing the finish line?  To me, there is no replacement for family.  And in my opinion, a self-centered act of writing (not selfish, just self-centered) should not be more important than the ones you love.


Perhaps I will never be successful in my writing.  Perhaps I will never be a great author remembered throughout time for intelligent, well-written stories.  I'm okay with that.  Some people aren't.  The balance is difficult, but I can see no other way to live my life.

Disclaimer

There is the phrase that goes, "Be careful what you do around an author.  You may just show up in their book someday."  or..."Don't ever date a writer. They'll turn you into literature."  Something like that.  I'm sure there are bumper stickers out there or something.

The phrases are true.  I'm sorry, but what else are we to glean from?  Our imagination can only go so far.  And even then, imagination is only creation based off of things that we've experienced.  For characters, any character we create contains bits and pieces of people we've observed or know.  It is not necessarily an insult or an honor to be portrayed in this way; I almost guarantee at least 80% of the time for the average writer the use of your character traits is entirely subconscious.

I wrote this for a writing exercise in college, and the paragraph still means a lot to me.  The exercise was to write a disclaimer for something, so I wrote a disclaimer for books or writing.

I have to warn you.  Most people think that when people write stories, they are fake, fiction, figments of zealous imagination.  But I’m telling you, and perhaps ruining the grand secret: our stories are most often based on truth.  Well, yes, we have to change that one thing, toss in new names, and flip that one pathway around, just to disguise the fact that we aren’t really all that creative but just intrigued by life and its intricacies.  But the hard part may be, for some of us, that our life really isn’t that interesting, so we take these nuggets of truth, little instances and moments, small handfuls of human existence, and try to contain it inside the confines of the written word.  So, what I guess truth in this story is that there is no such thing as pure fiction.  

I don't want to debunk fiction or to make it any less of a creative art.  Its just that I write because I love life.  Everything is so intricate and complex, yet increasingly simple at the same time.  The world is a paradox unto itself, and holds so many mysteries.  I like to create and to make up worlds that don't exist and people that don't exist but somehow are just as real to me as the chair that I am sitting on.  And yes, that was entirely cliché, but hey...I like well-timed clichés now and again.

Have fun gleaning information from people's lives (with respect and discretion, of course).  Ron Carlson used an entire lecture devoted to teaching us how to write examples from real life but disguise them so that the people involved won't be able to tell.  Asking permission is always great, but sometimes you just can't do that.  So change everything, every detail.  If it was set in the summer, put it into the winter.  If it involves a boy named Robby, rename him Edward.  If she has three kids, give her one.  Change all the details.

I think, if one has to define it, creativity is taking pieces of what God has created and fiddling around with them.

Some Personal Theory

So, you want to write a book (a story) that means something.  You want those deep, thought-provoking themes to reveal to the reader something about their own lives and hopefully encourage them to change for the better.

Then you get to writing class, and they tell you can't write toward theme because you will have a bad story.  They say you have to let the story to the leading and let the characters speak for themselves.

You are stubborn and try to write toward theme anyway.  You fail.  You realize that you have to listen to your teacher.

You try writing for yourself, but you are a theme person.  That is just how you are as a writer.  And you are trying as hard as you can to silence the part of your writerly self that wants to inject theme into every emotional conversation between two characters.  Symbolism!  Metaphor!  They are all dying to smear their faces on the page.  You do your best to hold them off, but bits of them creep in and get into the writing anyway.

Now, you're faced with your horribly written draft that is half a weak story that got shoved around by metaphors and themes and ideas and absolutes and ideals and half a poor soap box speech that has these weird characters with their own ideas (that probably and somehow conflict with the person that created them) getting in the way.

What do you do?

My first idea: Embed your ideals into the plot points.  Sure, let your characters do their own thing and hold the theme down.  But during the drafting part, you have to go through your draft and see what themes are popping out from the characters themselves.  If you don't like them, well, you're the author.  Get rid of them.  But the ones you do like, work with them.  They are there already.  But make sure that you make realizations or ideals presented or something like that a plot point.  They have to be integral to the plot.  If you could take them out and the plot would not have to change a bit, that won't work.  Your theme has to be so integral to the plot that it is a part of the characters lives.

Thats just an idea.  I don't have any experience really to back it up.  Ron Carlson, whom I studied story writing under for a year, would probably laugh at this blog post.  Either for my stupidity or for my simplification of something that he has been trying to teach me all along.

Day 373

In 373 days or 53 weeks and 2 days, I was able to write 59,992 words in some semi-understandable pattern to create sentences, put those sentences next to each other to make paragraphs, and those paragraphs to make a story.  From March 21, 2010 to March 29, 2011, I labored to write the first draft of my first novel after college.   But I can officially say that I completed the first draft of my novel.

To some, this may seem like an egotistical post, boasting about my accomplishment.  Please know that I am in no way am I proud of what I have written.  Its a mess.  Its not well-written, and I have a lot of work today.  What I am proud of is the dedication that went into completing the project, even if it did take me much longer than it probably should have at roughly 1,000 words a week (which isn't much).

After completing the draft, I stopped and realized that I did not need to write "one more page" so that I would have a place to pick up later.  I anticipated feeling more excited, but at 1am, I was tired and excitement didn't seem the natural response at the moment.  I felt much like I did after I got engaged.  I felt a warm sense of contentment, not a bubbly excitement.  Instead of a scream, it was a sighing moment.

Now, on to the edits!  Going to try and keep an eye on the bigger picture while I edit, but that is so much easier said than done.  Onward, ho!