Hello! I'm back!

Aboard the Disney Dream cruise!

Greetings Internet friends!

It's been over a year since I've posted regularly on my blog, and while I do not intend to keep up with my regular weekly updates, I think its time to revive this thing.

The past six or so months, I've struggled with my writing.  I am a very busy person.  For the most part, I enjoy staying busy, but I've been juggling tasks at my limit for quite some time now.  I'm not sure what items I can drop; they are all very important to me.

So, writing took its place on the back-burner of my schedule.  I'm ashamed to say I haven't really worked on fiction in months either.  People have asked me how my novel is going.  I have to tell them that truthfully its going nowhere fast.  I feel like wincing every time I have to say it.

Maybe its the coming of the New Year, hearing everyone else talk about resolutions (even though I dislike resolutions personally).  Perhaps it is the rising out of the ashes of the holiday season, tired and lethargic.  Or maybe, if I am brave enough to say it, from the dissatisfaction with the present comes a desire for change.

So, I thank you for your patience and understanding.  I'm going to need the encouragement to fight the uphill battle of self improvement.  Thanks for the likes and the comments.  Much appreciated.  I look forward to the future.



Soli Deo Gloria. 



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How to Save Mr. Banks

Over the holidays, I saw Saving Mr. Banks in theaters and was reminded of the importance of back story.  I personally very much enjoyed the movie primarily because of its stress on back story and the impact that had on the drama.

The movie could have stood on its own with just a story of P.L. Travers versus Walt Disney.  Easily.  Had the movie makers decided to take it that direction, they certainly had enough material to work with.  There is plenty of drama between the big movie god and penniless but overly emotional author. 

But the movie was so much richer because it wasn't about that at all.

[SPOILER ALERT] Emma Thompson's character, author P.L. Travers, exclaims in the middle of the movie, "You think Mary Poppins is saving the children, Mr. Disney?"

Angry and disgruntled, she walks off.

Why I Never Make New Year's Resolutions

Any opportunity for self-improvement is a good.  I'm all for trying to make ourselves better people, whether that be aimed our health, spirituality, or personality.

In an article by Forbes Magazine, they estimated about 40% of Americans make New Year's Resolutions.

They also estimated that only about 8% of Americans keep them.

So despite all of the zeal and determination our country has, somewhere along the line it just isn't enough.  Perhaps we're setting our sights too high (who can really lose 30 pounds in 30 days?) or maybe it is that we're just not trying hard enough.

That is why I don't make New Year's Resolutions.

A Call for Christian Artists!

Dear Christian Artist,

For the purpose of this post, I am going to define "artist" as anyone who produces any creative work, such as a painter, a musician, a writer, a songwriter, a movie producer, an actor/actress, a photographer, etc.

You are rare! Did you know that? You are a rare gem in the Christian world. Why? Because in the creative field, there is more freedom. You know this. Your ability to create and to twist and to pull anything you feel like. That is the freedom I'm talking about. And, of course, the world has taken that opportunity, that freedom and used creative works to demonstrate perverted and vile things. Sex, immorality, rudeness, a blurring of the truth, etc. The world has taken the expression of the human self and used it to portray ungodly material. So, the Christians left that world, that creative sector.

Misconceptions of Marriage

During my time as a single person, I looked at marriage from a very different angle than someone who is actually married.  For the most part, I only saw the public face of marriage.  Not often, even from my own parents, did I see the private side.

From that perspective, I formed a lot of assumptions on what marriage was, how it functioned, why it existed.  Many of those assumptions were not entirely accurate. 

One misconception that I believed was that in marriage you learn more about your spouse. Sounds logical, right?  You're departing your life as an individual and becoming a unit. But I found that I was wrong. In marriage, you learn more about yourself.

Our marriage counselors from Between Two Trees told us in premarital counseling that marriage holds a mirror up in front of yourself.  You are forced to confront, in a new and more intimate way than before, the best and worst parts of yourself.

It's true.  You do learn about your spouse, but I think I've learned more about who I am, what my needs/likes/dislikes/foundations/beliefs are than I have learned about my husband.  I've come face-to-face with my state of internal growth.  Sometimes, its not pleasant.  It hurts to realize your inner desires and admit that they are selfish.  But that step is necessary, important, and vital to the strength and lasting of your marriage, to your personal growth.

This process, though, is extremely important to your marriage.  Your spouse is that mirror.  Sometimes, you don't want to look, but it is important that you do.  You take a good look.  You study what you see.  Then you turn to your spouse and say, "I want to make myself better.  And I want to do it for you and for me."

The process of making yourself a better, more perfect fit for your spouse is invaluable.

I'm new to this whole marriage thing, so beyond the realization that this process needs to happen, I have little experience.  What I do anticipate though is only good: a stronger and richer marriage.   



Soli Deo Gloria


Related posts:
The Transition from My to Our
'Til Death Do Us Part
525,949 Minutes of Marriage

The Gift of Giving

 

"You're changing that boy's life."

"No, he's changing mine." 

Sandra Bullock as Leigh Ann Touhy 

The Blind Side (2009)

Late 2012, my husband began praying, asking God to really bless our efforts to reach out to others.  He started taking some of the guys in our college group out to dinner.  The first one he hung out with was Michael.

At the time, Michael was living at a friend’s house and was faced with the possibility that he might not be able to stay there much longer.  Jon told me, in the future, Michael might need a place to live and approached me about offering our extra room for him if the opportunity arose.  It seemed God was being very clear.

I have to admit that I had a lot of reservations.  Being newlyweds, I had become attached to our easy privacy at home. Selfishly, that was my first worry.  How would the presence of a third person in the house affect our marriage?

When Two Are Better Than One

Awhile ago, I tackled the question "To Date or Not To Date" in a past blog post.  My answer: "Are you better together than you are individually?"

I believe you should only continue to date someone if you are better as a team, function better as a unit, than you do as individuals.

However, it remains to be said: relationships are tough and you must fight for them.

To Date or Not to Date

Disclaimer: I married my high school sweetheart and the only boyfriend I ever had.

I feel obligated to start with that statement for a post about dating.  People tend to throw that back at my face, saying, "I don't know what it feels like to have my heart broken," or something of the sort.  Yes, I know.  I have limited experience, and I don't know what it feels like.  Yes, I've got it pretty good, even great.

But that doesn't mean my experiences haven't taught me anything.

You know you're an adult when...

Adulthood comes at different times in people's lives.  Sometimes its when you're 18, sometimes when you're 15 or sometimes when you're 55.  Some people never reach adulthood.

I believe being a "grown-up" demands a certain level of maturity.  It's not just owning a house or having a job.  Every adult may not be at the same level of maturity in each area of their lives.  Some adults are better at dealing with rude people; others better at standing up for justice.  But what is the common denominator in all adult behavior?

Learning from Lent (Part 2)

A few days ago, I started telling of my journey through Lent.  Check it out here!  It was the first time I've given up anything for Lent, and I chose coffee.

So, Lent is not quite over yet, but you're probably wondering with my overly dramatic intro in part 1 how I've been doing without caffeine.

I started off Ash Wednesday in Hawaii, the capitol of the decedent Kona coffee.  We arrived at the resort and for breakfast, the server offered us coffee.  We smiled and said, "Tea please."  The server seemed startled that we wouldn't want coffee. 

We returned from Hawaii and got back into the swing of things at work.  I missed walking in and making my trip to the Keurig maker for my cup of hazelnut or vanilla coffee.  The first few weeks continued similarly; I was always thinking about coffee.

Soap Box Booster Seats

A few weeks ago, I discussed a teenager's common search for identity...complete with a picture from my high school graduation! (Check it out here.) 

That post sparked a walk down memory lane.  I hope I never forget what it felt like to be a teenager.  There is something so valuable about that time in our lives, even if we are a bit embarrassed (okay, a lot embarrassed) by some of the things we did.

For instance, remember when you were so passionate about EVERYTHING?  And not only were you passionate about saving the whales or proper treatment of teenage workers, you wanted the ideal.  You worked toward how things should be and you did not stand for how things were.

Who I Was In High School

My high school graduation!  Do I look the same?

I've often heard the phrase, "High school years are the best ones of your life," but I've never heard anyone pipe up and say, "Yep!  That was true for me!"

I don't hate my memories from high school (there are definitely many fond ones), but there are many memories that, as a young adult, I wish I could hide in a box with a lock.  We do some ridiculous things in those years when many of us are searching for an identity. 

Don't you remember that time?  You wanted to be like something.  Everyone was categorized and typecasted to make it easier to become that role.  Some people changed their identities overnight; some even changed their entire circle of friends just as fast.

Top Posts of 2012

Dear Blog Readers,

The magnitude of this little thing called an online blog sometimes escapes me.  I post my own two cents on this website, and the whole world can read it.  Wow.  Does that strike you as a little scary and super exciting?

I was looking at my blog stats today a noticed a common theme among my most read-posts of 2012.  Not only did these blog posts receive the most "hits", but they received three to four times more reads than my average hit count per post. 

Top Blog Posts of 2012

#1 - Guest Blog Post

#2 - When Family is More Than Blood

#3 - 525,949 Minutes of Marriage 

#4 - I Want to Be Courageous

It was interesting to see what really resonated with people, and I found a common theme: authentic relationships.  It gives me some hope knowing that my Internet audience, whoever that may be, thinks authenticity, bravery, and relationships important. 

Thanks for taking the time to read my little thoughts.  I appreciate it, and I'd love to interact with you.  Feel free to comment! 

Sincerely,
Cheryl

The Transition from My to Our

My writing professor in college, Ron Carlson, told me not to go toward my MFA right away; he told me to get some life experience first.  Now, two years after graduation, I understand a little more about what he wanted me to learn.

I guess that is what my blog is about: my experiences, things I've learned, things I'm thinking about and digesting.  To me, portraying life is what writing is all about.

With that being said, recently I've been making the transition in my life from "my" to "our".  After you get married, you are expected for "two to become one flesh".  It's a concept that I hadn't truly began to understand until recently.  In no other time in my life have I really been asked to share truly everything that I have.

Any decision I make is now our decision.  Any purchase my husband makes is now our purchase.  Any choice that my husband makes is now my choice too.  Our house.  Our car.  Our clothes.  Our laundry.  Our dirty dishes.  Our family.  Our life.

I was writing thank you notes today for Christmas gifts.  I had to remind myself to say, "We are so excited about this gift," instead of "I loved your gift!".

Coming at life with this understanding that everything is shared changes everything.  Your life is not the only one on the line; both parties will suffer whatever consequences you make.

What can sound ominous and scary actually brings comfort too.  Our burdens.  Our problems.  They are no longer something that I need to handle on my own.  We're in this together.

My understanding of marriage as a symbol of God's relationship with Him deepens and grows every day.  This transition, though difficult at times, is yet another blessing God has given me, given us.



Soli Deo Gloria. 

When Family Is More Than Blood

Photography by Kenneth J. Wong Photography

 A few weeks ago, we took our first family portrait that included the newest additions to my family. It was a big deal to my family.  My family of six has always been loving but also tight-knit and exclusive, putting up a protective wall of sarcasm and an armor of cold shoulders to defend from invaders.  The family unit resisted when I first tried to invite my then boyfriend (now husband) to the sacred Christmas tree decorating tradition.  How dare I invite an outsider to something just for family members?

For my birthday, my sister-in-law gave me a necklace she purchased while in Africa on missions.  It was a small pearl heart on a delicate gold chain.  She bought one for me, herself, her sister, and my mother-in-law.  To be included in the gift meant the world to me.  I was one of the Chen women.

I am strong advocate of family, but I have to admit, though I might not have verbalized it, prior to my marriage, family was blood only.  People could get close, but family was a non-negotiable.

However, as time goes on, my concept of family is changing.  I am beginning to find that the family unit in America is too broken and fragile to only let blood-related people to pass as family.  The steadfast, unconditional loyalty and love that comes with being family needs to extend past the walls of our home. 

As one of my friends recently posted: "I will always believe that families are not born, they're made."

For those who have family, we must cling to them.  Such a thing is precious and something worthy of protection.  However, we must also allow for inclusion so that all may know of the unconditional love that a family can give. 

Book Trailers

What do you think?  Video advertisements for books? 

I first saw a book trailer for Stephen Lawhead's book The Skin Map.  Check it out here.  I was confused for a moment because I thought they were making it into a cheesy movie.  Then I realized it was a trailer for the book.  And my first thought at that moment was: "Boy, I'm glad I've read the book already." 

There are lots of trailers for books out now.  Book Trailers for Readers and Book Trailers.Net are website that have arisen to showcase these new forms of advertisement.

Trailers have immense power for only being around 60 seconds.  They have the power to create a first impression and give you a mental picture for characters.  They can create a mood.  As with any art form, trailers are an interpretation of a book put into movie format.  Someone else's interpretation.

But I see the value of book trailers in this increasingly visual society.  But are trailers accepting the diminishing imagination of our society for the hope of increased sales?  Part of me wants to encourage publishers to market books how they normally are: by word of mouth.  Someone reads a book and says, "Whoa! This was good!" and passes it on.  However, I know that in the book industry, one that is struggling to stay relevant with the digital times, there exists a pressure to bring in the cash and advertising is one of the avenues.  Trailers may just encourage more people to read. 

Moving

Almost four-weeks into Marriage.  I'm loving it, but also moving out and learning to live with someone new brings about a lot of adjustment.  You are constantly shifting your weight as you attempt to balance on this new board which has different weights and sensitivities.  I'm having to learn to say, "ours" instead of "his" and "Mom & Dad" instead of "Mr. & Mrs."

The symbol of this change: boxes.  In these boxes is everything imaginable from childhood trinkets to adulthood necessities.  The "razor" for my Shaving Ken doll, really just a plastic stick with a foam pad on the end.  The child size T-shirt that says, "I'm in the middle."  An unopened curling iron because I can't take the one at my parent's home with me.  A purple wedding planning book with bent pages and a dented cover from being dropped on the ground from desk-level.

The boxes form an impenetrable wall before our sliding glass door, stacked three or four high, depending on their size.  They are labeled with department store logos, leftovers from wedding registry gifts.   They are haphazardly sealed with scant pieces of packing tape.  There are light cob webs growing between a few as they have not been touched in a few weeks.  Everything needed is already unpacked.

Sitting proudly on the bookshelf are dozens of photos of smiling sisters and proud parents.  Those were out of the boxes first.

Experience Wins

This post may contain 50% rant, so please understand it in that context.

I am the youngest employee at my work.  Therefore, I lack a vital thing that everyone else has and I cannot attain.  Experience.   And even though I pride myself in having some brains to put two and two together, experience seems to trump everything.  Even if I think of something, someone else can say, "Well, I've done it before this way..." and my idea is no longer valid because someone else's past experience consistently yields better results than under-developed ideas.

I've never planned a wedding before.  Therefore, I lack the vital thing that everyone else has and I cannot attain. Experience.  And even though I pride myself in having organizational skills, experience seems to trump everything.  Even if I think of something, another woman can say, "Well, it's always done this way..." and my idea is no longer valid because someone else's past experiences yield more traditional results than my under-developed ideas.

Okay, the tone may be a bit much, but I guess I'm a little discouraged.  What is the point of going to school if experience is really the only thing that makes or breaks it?  It seems like my schooling only gave me tools to seem like I have something to offer to the company, when really companies want people who are experienced.  My knowledge only makes me an efficient gopher.

On the other hand, my wedding is slightly different.  While I have very much relied on the past experiences of others and others' recommendations, there are some things I just feel like I don't want to do.  But others are telling me that that is not how it is done.  Do I defer to their ideas because they know and how can I know?  I haven't done this before.

I am a very stubborn person.  Even now, I put on my little kid pouty face when someone tries to do something for me that I know I can do myself and say, "No. I do!"  Yes, childish, but I think that if I think I can do it, let me try until I know I can't.  I don't like to read directions.  I fumble around first so I can figure it out.  This often leads to mistakes and picking up after the mistakes but ultimately understanding.  Companies don't like that.  Weddings don't like that.  There is no room for trial and error.

I'm also a little frustrated because why I understand the value of experience, there is no way for me to get it without waiting.  And I hate waiting.  (Sorry, more childlike impatience going on.)  I have to sit and wait in my gopher hole before I can watch enough people exhibit the wealth of their knowledge and experience for me to have experienced enough to step into the light.  Is that how it works?

At this point in my life, being the "youth" that I am, I am at the start of my adult life and wondering where the adult part kicks in.  As far as I'm concerned, there should be a phase for "young adult" when you are an adult but not quite.  I guess years take the fun away from everything anyway, so its a trade off.  Fun or experience?

Okay, never mind.  I take the whole thing back.  I want the fun.  ;)

Sickness & House Moms

I have been taken captive by the influenza virus.  I am not a normal captive to this hideous tyrant who demands control of every part of your body that can ache, but this year I fell victim.  Sick for four days, going on five.  I slept for 15 hours the first day I was sick.  Only today have I felt well enough to even pull my laptop downstairs and sit on the couch (lying down, because sitting up takes too much energy) and write this.

Figuring that this is the last time I will be deathly ill and still under the cares of my attentive mother, I relished in the ability to have water delivered to my bedside, meals made for me, and movies put into the DVD player for me (complete with the remote handed to me while I lounged with my 101 degree fever).  I will be probably be very sad the first time I'm sick at home alone, my husband having gone to work for the day, and I'm having to drag myself to the kitchen to force myself to cook something to eat because otherwise I'll just lie in bed all day.

And I keep saying this, but it is true: I had forgotten how boring being sick was.  Perhaps it was the nature of this flu, which the doctor says is one of the worse strains she's seen over the seasons.  Between the muscle aches, the joint aches, the nasal congestion, drowning in my own phlegm (too much information?), the head aches, and the sweating fevers, I had little space between the fatigue and the lack of brain function to do much of anything except stare at the television.  Reading has become something like writing to me: part work and part enjoyment.  Therefore, reading would require too much energy while I was sick.  So, there I was, watching movie after movie because I had nothing else to occupy my time until I got better.

Quite depressing.  All this time...five days of it...wasted because I have no energy to do anything.  I was and am quite frustrated that all this time has passed and I accomplished nothing except to stay in my pajamas for probably the longest continuous time in my life.  I guess, that is a feat for some.

Meanwhile, I've been watching my mother do her thing around the house.  Its interesting watching a house mom.  Little decisions can consume their entire day.  Suddenly feeling bothered by the dust on the floor can cause a flurry of cleaning, putting every thing else that was on the to-do list somewhere else.  Desires like cooking that chicken or finding that dress are now job tasks, not wishes.  They are things that have to get done, otherwise the paycheck doesn't come.  Not really, but they have more magnitude.  You wonder what they do from the hours of 8am to 3pm when their children are in school.  Sure, my mom also has her business, but most of that I see her doing in the evening.  So what DOES she do?

I guess when I become a house mom, I'll understand, since that is the plan.  I want to stay at home with my children.  I guess the job becomes a little more looney when the children start moving out and growing up.  I guess what I was observing these past 5 days was an empty-nester syndrome attaching itself to a once-busy house mom who used to have at least one toddler toddling around the house.  That would mean at least one eye was busy watching the kid.  Now, there are no toddlers, only teenagers and young adults, leaving the eyes with nothing to watch in the corner of them and only worries.

Being sick and quite bored, perhaps I am babbling on about nothing that is true since I've never been there before or perhaps the medicines are getting to my head.  Either way, its been interesting, and while I don't mind being able to sleep in, I will very much like to stop being held physically captive by all of this fatigue.  I can't wait to get something done.