Top 3 Tips for a Great College Experience

I remember how daunting the prospect was to leave high school and start my college career.  I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff called Childhood and asked to jump into the ravine below called Adulthood.  My toes curled on the edge of the rock, touching the open air.  It was scary.

As the co-leader of the college/career group at my church, I was asked to go to a high school senior retreat to share some of my top three tips to the anxious seniors.  These could probably apply to life in general, so I thought I'd share them with you all. 

#1 – Be intentional.

In high school, almost everything is predetermined for you by adults or conveniently and readily available.  Your schedule is set by the school, you see (most if not all of) your friends five days a week, and your parents drive you to church on Fridays and Sundays.

When you’re in college, the proverbial Pandora’s Box is opened and all of the sudden you are in charge of your life.  Especially if you’re a commuter to campus (as I was all 4 years), you have to be really intentional about how you spend your time, who your friends are, and what is important to you.  The decisions you make say a lot about your priorities.  Decide what those are and intentionally make decisions to demonstrate that.

#2 – Remember where you came from. 

Whether you go out of state or live on campus, don’t forget your family and friends back home.  They shaped you and will continue to if you make a place for them in your life.  While you don’t need to come home every weekend or call your mom every night, don’t forget that your support team back home misses you and wants to know how you’re doing.  Make time for them (part of being intentional) and don’t forget how much you’ve learned and gained from your home team.  (PS – this is also Biblical advice!)

#3 – Challenge yourself. 

College and independence give you a lot of new opportunities, both bad and good.  Keep your head on straight and think, but also don’t be afraid to take a step of faith.  Do something that may be different from the norm. 

Join that club, volunteer, sign up for an extracurricular class, get involved, talk to someone new, befriend someone different, go to professor office hours, be Jesus to those around you.  You probably won’t ever again have as much freedom and available opportunity as you do in this season of life.  Going to college is a privilege, not a right, so make sure you take advantage of the gift God has given you. 

Soli Deo Gloria.

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Related Posts:

What Graduation Means 4 Years Later 

Deep Questions, Simple Answers
The Adult Threshold: Age 25
You Know When You're an Adult When
Who I Was In High School
First Day of School   

What Graduation Means 4 Years Later

I graduated from the University of California, Irvine (zot zot) in 2010.  Four years later, so much has happened since my graduation, I feel like it was a lifetime ago.  Yet I can still remember it like yesterday.

I remember the anxiety of taking my first steps into the real world of careers and 9-5 work schedules.  I remember debating whether or not I had to go to grad school, whether or not that would affect my future.  I recall considering getting a teaching credential and teaching high school English.

Now, four years later, all my worries seem silly.  I'm married, working, co-own a home.  Things that seemed perpetually "down the road" at the time of graduation.  I notice some of the graduates dwelling in anxiety.  Part of me wants to tell them to not waste their time; the other part of me knows they need to learn a few things of experience like I did.  A few things like:

5 Tips for a Happier Life

Happiness is what everyone wants.  You don't need to be a genius to see that in today's culture.  Humans long, desire, yearn for satisfaction and contentment.  Lasting happiness.

But feelings come and go.  Emotions are more unstable than radioactive atoms.  We're just not happy all the time.  So we search for new methods to attain what we want.
 
I don't know much, but there are a few things I've learned so far that might help us live happier lives. 

Deep Questions, Simple Answers

Throughout all the years of my short life, I have never lacked something to do.  Between school, work, my writing, church, relationships, friends, etc. I've always had a goal, something to work toward.  Busy is one of those words that describes me well.

However, even though I always had activity in my life, sometimes I struggled with the point of it all.

Last year in January, I wrote a blog post about struggling with courage.  I was having a hard time at the point, adjusting to being a newlywed, changes at my job, and shifts in family dynamics.  I wanted to know what my purpose was on this earth.  I knew I had purpose; I'm passionate about a lot of things.  But how did that fit in the bigger picture?  Where was the culmination of all my passions supposed toward?

After daily sifting through possible answers to my wonderings, I have discovered when it comes down to it, the answer is simple.

The Adult Threshold: Age 25

Winter Formal Picture - I'm 16!

If you're a young adult, you know what new things you can (or cannot) do once you hit certain benchmark ages.

At 16, you can get your license!!!!!!!

At 18, you can drive minors legally, buy cigarettes, buy lottery tickets, go to prison, vote, etc.

At 21, you can drink alcohol and you can drink more alcohol.

And at age 25, you can rent a car without insanely high fees (among other things).  The government considers you "responsible" now.  There is nothing left to look forward to.  This is your last benchmark. Well, until you hit 65.  And that's not something you're looking forward to.

I recently hit my last "young" benchmark.  I no longer have any age-restricted, coming-of-age celebrations to look forward to that aren't decades. 

How Kissing Dating Goodbye Affected My Marriage

There was a book I read in middle school called I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris.  Harris preludes the book on his website by saying: "I was 21-years old when I wrote my story of giving up the dating game in order to focus on serving God."

At the time (circa 1997), the book took the Christian world by storm.  I read it along with some of my girlfriends and soaked it up as an impressionable thirteen-year-old.  I wanted to be pure, and I wanted to be good in God's eyes.

Following that book, I was inundated with messages encouraging me to save myself for marriage, to dress modestly, to be wary of dating, thinking of my future husband.  While I know all of the messages (as well as their senders) were well-intentioned and earnest, at my age and with my little experience in the world of boys and girls, not much of it translated in a healthy way.

Reality Check

My husband and I were having an intellectual discussion the other day, and he coined the term "cognitive dissonance."  He may not be the first person to use the term, but he thought of it himself.  He used the term to mean when someone acts contrary to what they say their beliefs are.

That brought to mind the statement I heard when going through the Truth Project:

Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?

Misconceptions of Marriage

During my time as a single person, I looked at marriage from a very different angle than someone who is actually married.  For the most part, I only saw the public face of marriage.  Not often, even from my own parents, did I see the private side.

From that perspective, I formed a lot of assumptions on what marriage was, how it functioned, why it existed.  Many of those assumptions were not entirely accurate. 

One misconception that I believed was that in marriage you learn more about your spouse. Sounds logical, right?  You're departing your life as an individual and becoming a unit. But I found that I was wrong. In marriage, you learn more about yourself.

Our marriage counselors from Between Two Trees told us in premarital counseling that marriage holds a mirror up in front of yourself.  You are forced to confront, in a new and more intimate way than before, the best and worst parts of yourself.

It's true.  You do learn about your spouse, but I think I've learned more about who I am, what my needs/likes/dislikes/foundations/beliefs are than I have learned about my husband.  I've come face-to-face with my state of internal growth.  Sometimes, its not pleasant.  It hurts to realize your inner desires and admit that they are selfish.  But that step is necessary, important, and vital to the strength and lasting of your marriage, to your personal growth.

This process, though, is extremely important to your marriage.  Your spouse is that mirror.  Sometimes, you don't want to look, but it is important that you do.  You take a good look.  You study what you see.  Then you turn to your spouse and say, "I want to make myself better.  And I want to do it for you and for me."

The process of making yourself a better, more perfect fit for your spouse is invaluable.

I'm new to this whole marriage thing, so beyond the realization that this process needs to happen, I have little experience.  What I do anticipate though is only good: a stronger and richer marriage.   



Soli Deo Gloria


Related posts:
The Transition from My to Our
'Til Death Do Us Part
525,949 Minutes of Marriage

Finding Security: A tribute to Fathers

It always seems like Mother's Day outshines Father's Day.  Maybe its because it comes first and we run out of steam by June.  Perhaps it is because in our society, many people find pain associated with their fathers.

I am often reminded at Father's Day of the oft-used saying: Anyone can become a father, but it takes a real man to be a Dad.

Cliche but true.  Dads are so important.  The nurturing love of a mother should not be forgotten, but there is something special about the way a man loves. And that love is so desperately needed in today's society. 

Behind the Scenes: A tribute to Moms

For the first part of my childhood, I grew up in a single-story home on a cul-de-sac.  I have many fond memories of going from house to house on the street, asking various parents if Katie or Emily could come out and play.  Our house was the headquarters for fun.  We would bring the neighborhood kids over all the time to play in the backyard, play cave in our garage, ride bikes and roller skate, or even just to eat Otter Pops. 

The second part of my childhood, we moved to a two-story home on a semi-busy residential street in a more well-to-do neighborhood.  Because we lived on a hill, kids didn't come out of their houses to play, but parents would drive their kids over.  For the first time in my life, I had my own room, and I always though it was so cool to live in a two-story house.  Again, our house was the location for activity.  A request to have people over was rarely declined.  We would do crafts, play dolls, bake, or as we got older, just sit and talk.  There would always be snacks: freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, homemade strawberry smoothies, cartons and cartons of ice cream. 

I cherish all of these fond memories with a more mature appreciation than I have before.  Now, when I recall those times, I see my mother's hand prints all over it.  She was the one baking the cookies.  She was the one cleaning up after us.  She was the one always giving us activities to do.  She was the one creating a welcoming home for our friends to enjoy.  And always behind the scenes. 

My mom has specifically told me that they wanted to get to know our friends.  My dad and she made conscious decisions to make our house the popular place to hang out. 

It's these types decisions that I've grown to appreciate more and more as I get older.   Just one more reason to appreciate my mothers.  (I've got two now!) 

So, thank you, Mom, for always thinking of us.  Happy Mother's Day.  I love you. :)

When Two Are Better Than One

Awhile ago, I tackled the question "To Date or Not To Date" in a past blog post.  My answer: "Are you better together than you are individually?"

I believe you should only continue to date someone if you are better as a team, function better as a unit, than you do as individuals.

However, it remains to be said: relationships are tough and you must fight for them.

You know you're an adult when...

Adulthood comes at different times in people's lives.  Sometimes its when you're 18, sometimes when you're 15 or sometimes when you're 55.  Some people never reach adulthood.

I believe being a "grown-up" demands a certain level of maturity.  It's not just owning a house or having a job.  Every adult may not be at the same level of maturity in each area of their lives.  Some adults are better at dealing with rude people; others better at standing up for justice.  But what is the common denominator in all adult behavior?

Learning from Lent (Part 1)

This year was the first time I've ever given up something for Lent.  I gave up coffee.

Lent, the 40-day time of preparation for Easter, is a period celebrated by Christians.  The tradition of giving up something for that period of time is often observed by Catholics and some Protestants as a way of showing penitence or to symbolize Jesus' sacrifice (in some small way) in their own lives.

Giving something up, now, is supposed to somewhat difficult for you.  If I gave up mountain biking or going to the gym, the sacrifice would not be the same.  I don't mountain bike, and I don't enjoy going to the gym.  So, coffee.  Why was that a big deal for me?

Soap Box Booster Seats

A few weeks ago, I discussed a teenager's common search for identity...complete with a picture from my high school graduation! (Check it out here.) 

That post sparked a walk down memory lane.  I hope I never forget what it felt like to be a teenager.  There is something so valuable about that time in our lives, even if we are a bit embarrassed (okay, a lot embarrassed) by some of the things we did.

For instance, remember when you were so passionate about EVERYTHING?  And not only were you passionate about saving the whales or proper treatment of teenage workers, you wanted the ideal.  You worked toward how things should be and you did not stand for how things were.

Things I Learned from Being Burglarized

My husband's and my home was burglarized twice in a period 6 months during our first year of marriage.

There were many valuable things taken, but probably one of the most valuable things taken was my external hard drive.

The burglars had stolen my laptop too, and the hard drive was a back up of all my photos, stories, music, documents, etc. that were on my laptop.

It was all gone. 

Who I Was In High School

My high school graduation!  Do I look the same?

I've often heard the phrase, "High school years are the best ones of your life," but I've never heard anyone pipe up and say, "Yep!  That was true for me!"

I don't hate my memories from high school (there are definitely many fond ones), but there are many memories that, as a young adult, I wish I could hide in a box with a lock.  We do some ridiculous things in those years when many of us are searching for an identity. 

Don't you remember that time?  You wanted to be like something.  Everyone was categorized and typecasted to make it easier to become that role.  Some people changed their identities overnight; some even changed their entire circle of friends just as fast.

Top Posts of 2012

Dear Blog Readers,

The magnitude of this little thing called an online blog sometimes escapes me.  I post my own two cents on this website, and the whole world can read it.  Wow.  Does that strike you as a little scary and super exciting?

I was looking at my blog stats today a noticed a common theme among my most read-posts of 2012.  Not only did these blog posts receive the most "hits", but they received three to four times more reads than my average hit count per post. 

Top Blog Posts of 2012

#1 - Guest Blog Post

#2 - When Family is More Than Blood

#3 - 525,949 Minutes of Marriage 

#4 - I Want to Be Courageous

It was interesting to see what really resonated with people, and I found a common theme: authentic relationships.  It gives me some hope knowing that my Internet audience, whoever that may be, thinks authenticity, bravery, and relationships important. 

Thanks for taking the time to read my little thoughts.  I appreciate it, and I'd love to interact with you.  Feel free to comment! 

Sincerely,
Cheryl

The Transition from My to Our

My writing professor in college, Ron Carlson, told me not to go toward my MFA right away; he told me to get some life experience first.  Now, two years after graduation, I understand a little more about what he wanted me to learn.

I guess that is what my blog is about: my experiences, things I've learned, things I'm thinking about and digesting.  To me, portraying life is what writing is all about.

With that being said, recently I've been making the transition in my life from "my" to "our".  After you get married, you are expected for "two to become one flesh".  It's a concept that I hadn't truly began to understand until recently.  In no other time in my life have I really been asked to share truly everything that I have.

Any decision I make is now our decision.  Any purchase my husband makes is now our purchase.  Any choice that my husband makes is now my choice too.  Our house.  Our car.  Our clothes.  Our laundry.  Our dirty dishes.  Our family.  Our life.

I was writing thank you notes today for Christmas gifts.  I had to remind myself to say, "We are so excited about this gift," instead of "I loved your gift!".

Coming at life with this understanding that everything is shared changes everything.  Your life is not the only one on the line; both parties will suffer whatever consequences you make.

What can sound ominous and scary actually brings comfort too.  Our burdens.  Our problems.  They are no longer something that I need to handle on my own.  We're in this together.

My understanding of marriage as a symbol of God's relationship with Him deepens and grows every day.  This transition, though difficult at times, is yet another blessing God has given me, given us.



Soli Deo Gloria. 

First Day of School

There was always something magical about the first day.  Even though it would get warm by the afternoon, fall was creeping into the morning.  It wasn't so humid; there was a crispness to the air.  It was cool enough to put on a sweater.

I would wake up at 6:30 a.m., sometimes before my alarm, a mixture of excitement and anxiety.  Even though I hadn't been awake before 9:00 a.m. for the past three months, I didn't feel tired. I would pull myself to the bathroom.  It was necessary to turn on the yellow lights in the dimness; the sun wasn't quite full strength yet.  The morning would feel foreign but familiar, like visiting a place you hadn't been to since you were young. 

After dressing and rechecking my neatly organized backpack with new pencils, new binders, and neatly printed tab dividers, I would walk downstairs with my new sneakers in my hand, put them near the door, and go to the kitchen.  My mom would be cooking breakfast, something hearty like eggs and sausage or pancakes with chocolate chips in them.  I would get first dibs because my sisters were never morning people.

When everyone was ready, my mom would force us to take a first day of school picture in front of the house.  We would stand in formation, ordering our German Shepherd to sit at our feet so he could be in the picture too, and force an enthusiastic smile.  After two or three takes (Mom always had to make sure she got a good one), we would walk up the street to the bus stop and wait for the yellow vehicle that had its own set of social rules.

By the end of the year, the routine would get old and tired.  I would hit my snooze button, miss breakfast, and wear old clothes.  But every year, that first Tuesday after Labor Day, it would all start again and somehow still exude the feeling of a fresh new beginning. 

Halfway Point

Holy guacamole!  It is June.  We're halfway through 2012 already.  How are those New Year's Resolutions going?  You're probably like, "Oh come on, Cheryl.  Those only apply to January.  Duh!"  Haha.

Time is an odd animal.  It ticks away, second by second, at the same pace every single day.  It is steady, a constant.  Patterned and split into predetermined units because of its consistency.  It never changes.  Yet at the same time time zooms by.  The day is gone in a flash.  Our kids, friends, siblings, parents are moving on to the next stage in their lives, doing things that you thought were only ever going to be in the future.  Things to come become things that are and we're wondering how time moved so fast.

Life is like a ladder.  You start off on the bottom rung and can't see anything but what's in front of you.  The older you get, the more rungs on the ladder you climb and the more you're able to see.  You look down and are able to understand the bigger picture.

As you can tell from my blog, I like to look at life and apply to writing (or vice versa).  I believe the two need to be intimately connected for writers.

As the writer, it is important to know from which rung you write your story.  It's more than just POV.  Your narrator can have a very narrow outlook, but you need to understand more and know from where your knowledge comes from.

Its never too late in life or in writing to stop, take a step back, and try to see the bigger picture.  We're all on a journey, I hope, to the same place.  The roads we choose to take may differ, but ultimately, we're all a part of a bigger plan for a greater good.