Searching for "The One"

THE CHECKLIST BOYFRIEND

When I was in middle school, I wrote a checklist of my requirements for my future husband.  Everything I wrote were good things.  I think its important to have some general personality traits in mind for your future spouse.  After all, you don't want to marry just anyone.

BUT...

I began to envision this one man out there specifically set aside by God for me.  I thought there was ONE guy, and I just had to find him in the sea of strangers.  Once I met him, everything would fall into place.

Top 3 Tips for a Great College Experience

I remember how daunting the prospect was to leave high school and start my college career.  I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff called Childhood and asked to jump into the ravine below called Adulthood.  My toes curled on the edge of the rock, touching the open air.  It was scary.

As the co-leader of the college/career group at my church, I was asked to go to a high school senior retreat to share some of my top three tips to the anxious seniors.  These could probably apply to life in general, so I thought I'd share them with you all. 

#1 – Be intentional.

In high school, almost everything is predetermined for you by adults or conveniently and readily available.  Your schedule is set by the school, you see (most if not all of) your friends five days a week, and your parents drive you to church on Fridays and Sundays.

When you’re in college, the proverbial Pandora’s Box is opened and all of the sudden you are in charge of your life.  Especially if you’re a commuter to campus (as I was all 4 years), you have to be really intentional about how you spend your time, who your friends are, and what is important to you.  The decisions you make say a lot about your priorities.  Decide what those are and intentionally make decisions to demonstrate that.

#2 – Remember where you came from. 

Whether you go out of state or live on campus, don’t forget your family and friends back home.  They shaped you and will continue to if you make a place for them in your life.  While you don’t need to come home every weekend or call your mom every night, don’t forget that your support team back home misses you and wants to know how you’re doing.  Make time for them (part of being intentional) and don’t forget how much you’ve learned and gained from your home team.  (PS – this is also Biblical advice!)

#3 – Challenge yourself. 

College and independence give you a lot of new opportunities, both bad and good.  Keep your head on straight and think, but also don’t be afraid to take a step of faith.  Do something that may be different from the norm. 

Join that club, volunteer, sign up for an extracurricular class, get involved, talk to someone new, befriend someone different, go to professor office hours, be Jesus to those around you.  You probably won’t ever again have as much freedom and available opportunity as you do in this season of life.  Going to college is a privilege, not a right, so make sure you take advantage of the gift God has given you. 

Soli Deo Gloria.

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Related Posts:

What Graduation Means 4 Years Later 

Deep Questions, Simple Answers
The Adult Threshold: Age 25
You Know When You're an Adult When
Who I Was In High School
First Day of School   

The Necessary Evil of Small Talk

Sometimes I dread going to the salon to get my haircut.  You're in there for a good hour and a half, and its understood by all parties involved that you will make the necessary small talk the entire time as to eliminate any awkward silences.

So, I prep myself ahead of time.  I think of things to talk about with the lady who washes my hair.  The weather, my new house, and oh, how is her boyfriend doing?  My hair stylist, luckily, cuts the hair of a dozen people in my family, so family news updates are encouraged.  I can talk about my grandma and my sisters and my mom, and she'll be in the "know" already.

Still, there are times I run out of things to say, and I'll sit there awkwardly as the music is pumping and the scissors snip to the beat.  Then, my stylists will say, "So, how's work?"

What's Your Character's Love Language?

In my opinion, the key to great books is solid characters.

The key to solid characters is understanding what makes your characters tick, knowing their priorities and what drives them.

The key to gaining that sort of intimate understanding of these fictional people you've created in your brain is to study the real people and the relationships around you.

The best real person to start with is yourself.

So, let's start asking a few questions about your characters.

WHAT'S YOUR CHARACTER'S LOVE LANGUAGE?

All Who Are Weary

Dear friend,

It makes me sad to see you in pain, to see you stressed.  I really don't want you to be so manipulated by the world around you.  Sometimes I see what worries you, what really gets you down, and I wish I could just tell you, "This is so trivial.  It's not worth worrying about."  But that would be insensitive because obviously, its worth worrying about to you.

What I'm trying to say I wish for you something better.  I don't pretend to know the secret to life or have it all together, because I don't, but what I do know is that God will give us rest.

What I do know is that Jesus promises us this:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (NIV, Matthew 11:28-30)

You mention pain in your life, and I want to just tell you to let it go.  Shed those burdens.  Stop carrying that baggage around with you everywhere.  It's not worth it.  But I know its not that easy. 

You will grow with time, I know.  You are strong.  I just pray you start to realize that your world doesn't need to revolve around your problems.  It sounds harsh, but I say it with love.  Trust my own experience.  The sooner you live for something bigger than yourself, something other than your life, the better your life gets.  Promise.

I keep thinking of this song.  May the lyrics bless you.

All who are weak, all who are weary

All who are tired, all who are thirsty

All who have failed, all who are broken

Come to the rock, come to the fountain 

I care about you!  And so does Jesus.  Lay your burdens at His feet and He will give you rest. 

Love,
Cheryl


Soli Deo Gloria.


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Related Posts:
Why I Go to the Movies 
The Gift of Giving 
Making Time for Fun 
To Party or Not To Party (Part 1 & Part 2)
An Ode to Friendship

 

Why I Go to the Movies

Dear friend,

If I ever go to the movies with you, I'm going because I want to spend time with you.

Granted, going to the movies is arguably one of THE worst ways to spend time with someone.  You are sitting in a dark room with a whole bunch of other strangers, eating high calorie foods, and staring at a screen together.  There is little interaction.  In fact, most wise people warn against the whole classic dinner and a movie date as a way to get to know anyone.

The Gift of Giving

 

"You're changing that boy's life."

"No, he's changing mine." 

Sandra Bullock as Leigh Ann Touhy 

The Blind Side (2009)

Late 2012, my husband began praying, asking God to really bless our efforts to reach out to others.  He started taking some of the guys in our college group out to dinner.  The first one he hung out with was Michael.

At the time, Michael was living at a friend’s house and was faced with the possibility that he might not be able to stay there much longer.  Jon told me, in the future, Michael might need a place to live and approached me about offering our extra room for him if the opportunity arose.  It seemed God was being very clear.

I have to admit that I had a lot of reservations.  Being newlyweds, I had become attached to our easy privacy at home. Selfishly, that was my first worry.  How would the presence of a third person in the house affect our marriage?

Making Time for Fun

I've been asked the question by more than one person: "Cheryl, what do you do for fun?"

I have to pause and think about it.

They are asking the question seriously, and I guess its a serious problem that they have to ask that.  Most people have a hobby.  And I do have hobbies, things I enjoy doing.  It just seems like there is always something more important that my hobbies.

It Takes Two

As an English major, writer, and human being, I am acutely aware that what you say usually isn't what is heard.

That's usually a problem.

Anyone who's dated know this firsthand.  You say one thing, he hears another.  That's the issue with communication is that there are TWO people involved.  Two very different people with different sets of vocabulary, connotations, backgrounds, upbringings, and slang.

We're not even getting into body language here, just words for the moment.

My belief is that it is the responsibility of the communicator to do their best to ensure that the listener is understanding what is being communicated in the intended way.

To Date or Not to Date

Disclaimer: I married my high school sweetheart and the only boyfriend I ever had.

I feel obligated to start with that statement for a post about dating.  People tend to throw that back at my face, saying, "I don't know what it feels like to have my heart broken," or something of the sort.  Yes, I know.  I have limited experience, and I don't know what it feels like.  Yes, I've got it pretty good, even great.

But that doesn't mean my experiences haven't taught me anything.

Never Ever Ever Ever Enough Time

If you really delve into this American society, one thing is pretty certain: you will never have enough time.

There are a million and one things demanding your time.  Exercise, self-improvement, hobbies, kids, church, work, work, and more work, family, friends, alone time, spouse time, music, Internet, Youtube, Facebook, Instagram, your phone, games, this blog, your blog, your hopes and your dreams.  Everything wants a piece of your precious time.

And guess what?  Time is the one of the few things you have that you cannot change.  You can improve your health.  You can earn more money.  You can get an education to gain more knowledge.  You can move up (or down) the social ladder, the economic ladder.  You can even change your gender if you want.  

But you cannot change how much time you have.  

What Bad Books Have That Good Books Don't

What sells books?  

Its the question that haunts writers of all kinds.  Loads of great writing never gets published.  Loads of great published writing never gets popular.  And loads of horrible published writing becomes popular and turns into movies and the like.

Not fair, yes, but that's how it works.

What I have noticed, however, is that a lot of mediocre fiction gets published and gets fairly popular.  Us writers read said book and go, "Ugh!  The writing is horrible!", yet there are still millions of readers (many of whom don't read that much) that have picked up that same story and read it.

WHY?

To Party Or Not To Party (Part 2)

A few days ago, I wrote a post on stepping outside of one's comfort zones in social situations and the importance of spending time with people.  You can check that out here!

Now, there is a caveat to my advice:

Remember to rest.

Its seems the older we get, the busier we get, and the busier we get, the less rest we get.  Sometimes I get caught up in all of the attempts to be socially active, and I get burnt out.  I'm just tired.  My brain doesn't work, I'm forgetful, I say stupid things, I'm short-tempered.  So, its important to set aside time for yourself to recuperate from life.

Rest comes in many different forms:

Sometimes, that's being alone and doing things you love.

Sometimes, that means spending time with people who are easy to hang out with.  Let's be honest.  Its relaxing to hang out with some people; its NOT relaxing to hang out with others, no matter what you do together!

Sometimes, it means taking yourself out of society for awhile.  Turn off your phone.  Go to someplace that brings you peace and just sit.

Whatever it may be for you, schedule time to rest.  If you don't schedule it, life won't give you an opportunity.  You have to be proactive. 



Soli Deo Gloria. 

To Party Or Not To Party (Part 1)

From one "I'd rather be at home than out in with large group of people" person to another, I have one thing to say to you:

Your company is valuable. 

I write this to all of those people who would much rather spend an intimate evening with a small group of friends or one-on-one with someone rather than be in a huge group.  I'm like you.  I'd much rather spend my evening home with my husband than out at a bar.  Claustrophobia, anyone? 

However, I've had to come to grips with the fact that being out in the world socially is important.  God's given each person unique and wonderful personality traits that are meant to be USED for others.  If we selfishly stay at home all the time because its more comfortable for us, we're not exploring the many ways that God can use our gifts to bless others.

I struggled with this over the holidays when there are a myriad of Christmas parties to go to.  As a result, I'd go to social events cranky because I kept concentrating on where I'd rather be than where I was.

I'm not saying every person needs to make themselves into a social butterfly; all I'm saying is I need to make more of an effort to touch other people's lives.  And that often requires you to be in uncomfortable social situations. Will you join me?

There is always that awkward person in the crowd.  Hang out with them.  Find that wallflower and go talk to them.  Spend a little bit of time talking to people you don't know.  Stay away from the cliques.  Notice the group that's always ostracized and be there.  Ostracize yourself for the sake of others.

You never know how valuable your company might be to someone else's day...or even their life. And guess what? You might just get something out of it too.



Soli Deo Gloria. 

Top Posts of 2012

Dear Blog Readers,

The magnitude of this little thing called an online blog sometimes escapes me.  I post my own two cents on this website, and the whole world can read it.  Wow.  Does that strike you as a little scary and super exciting?

I was looking at my blog stats today a noticed a common theme among my most read-posts of 2012.  Not only did these blog posts receive the most "hits", but they received three to four times more reads than my average hit count per post. 

Top Blog Posts of 2012

#1 - Guest Blog Post

#2 - When Family is More Than Blood

#3 - 525,949 Minutes of Marriage 

#4 - I Want to Be Courageous

It was interesting to see what really resonated with people, and I found a common theme: authentic relationships.  It gives me some hope knowing that my Internet audience, whoever that may be, thinks authenticity, bravery, and relationships important. 

Thanks for taking the time to read my little thoughts.  I appreciate it, and I'd love to interact with you.  Feel free to comment! 

Sincerely,
Cheryl

The Test for Every Writer

As a writer, I am constantly in one of these three states:

1) Insatiable: I have to write. I need to write. There is this longing that every time I sit in front of a computer or I have a pen in my hand, that I must put something creative. One word: Passion.

2) Determined: There's no burning desire or anything, but because I've committed myself to finish that wretched novel, no matter how much it drips of cliche, I'm going to finish it.  At least to be able to tell myself that I did.  There may be varying levels of joy in the process, but the determination is really what pushes me along.

3) Exhausted: There are too many other things to do.  I don't know why I'm wasting my time on this thing.  I know I should do it, I know that I need to work on my writing, but somehow I can't muster up anything (drive, courage, will-power) to get anything out.  I am so discouraged on multiple levels that I often wonder where that insatiable desire went.

Isn't that how it is with anything you love?  Whether it be a person (your husband, your sister, your best friend), any other hobbies or even your work.  Life fluctuates, as does your resolve and your emotions.  Understandable.

The trick is in the "exhausted" stage, one that I often refer to as "burn out", somehow one must find the hidden, often inexplicable energy to continue on.  Whether in writing or in marriage, it's all the same.  It is in those times, when you really don't want to have anything to do with it, that you really prove your love.  As they say, its not real unless its been tested and still stands. 

An Ode to Friendship

I have a story to share if I may.  It is about my pen pal, Liz.  Okay, so we don't really "pen" our letters to each other anymore, but when we signed up to be randomly matched up with another, I don't think either of us anticipated how our relationship would change our lives.  We were close to thirteen and loved to talk about boys.  It was exciting to write this person you didn't know, to get pictures of them, and to hear stories from the other side of the country.

We grew close and promised each other to be bridesmaids in each other's weddings, but what did we know?  I think even then, as a young teenager, I was doubtful that we would keep our promise.  I knew from observation and from being told before that you don't always keep your friendships into adulthood.  I didn't know why at the time--it didn't seem that hard--but I understood that it didn't happen for whatever reason.

But then we got into our high school years.  We found that a truly unbiased observer, one who knew none of the parties involved, was more valuable than we had realized.  We began to depend on each other as a sounding board, as a venting partner, as a confidant.

High school turned into college and the bonds were even stronger.  And then my family planned a trip to the East Coast.

"I'm way too close to you not to see you," I remember telling her in an email. "I HAVE to see you."

2009

So we arranged for me to leave my family for one day of our trip to take the train to visit her.  I was so nervous on the train ride there as I texted her, "On my way!"  There was so much at stake with our first meeting.  She could be nothing like the girl I'd talked to on the phone.  It was almost like a blind date, but the risk was greater.  If we didn't click in person, would it dissolve the entire relationship we had taken years  and postage to build?

She met me at the train station.  Her car pulled up to the curb, and I was surprised to find that I recognized her as soon as she approached.  I climbed into the front seat of her car, we hugged, and then she pulled out of the parking lot.  We started chatting, and all of the sudden, it was like we'd be friends forever...because, well, we had.

2010

After that day, I was ruined.  Talking in person was so much more fun, so much more rewarding than talking on the phone or emailing.  I was hooked.  We didn't do much that first day we "met".  We just talked...all day, like girls do.

A few months later, I told her, "I have to see you again."  So she flew out that summer and spent a week at my house.  Spending a longer amount of time together was even better.  Those little things you learn from watching someone in the moment...I began to notice them.  It was like now I could see the whole Liz.  Before, I only got to see bits and pieces.  Now, the picture was being filled in.  I learned things that most girlfriends know about each other: likes and dislikes, oft used phrases, mannerisms, etc.

And then my then-boyfriend proposed and I was engaged.  There was no question at this point.  She was being in my wedding.

With the emphasis on romantic relationships in our society, we often forget that friendships can be as exciting and as important as a marriage.  The bond you create with your "BFF" is unique and special.  It is to be protected.  They say most people don't have many truly good friends in a lifetime.  Strong friendships are rare and should be cherished.  I guess that is why I'm writing this post.  It is not only a dedication to one of the most unique friendships in my life, but also as a reminder that all friendships, whether with someone across the country or across the town, should be nurtured and protected.

And I am happy to announce that only 8 months after I was married, Liz was also married.  I flew out for her wedding, got to meet her husband-to-be, and participate in such a sacred life event.

2012                                                                                                    2011

This journey has been most special to me, and I might sound sappy writing this entire post.  However, I feel like it should be recorded and shared.  I am thankful to God for His Providence for this sister in Christ has helped me become the person that I am.