Misconceptions of Marriage

During my time as a single person, I looked at marriage from a very different angle than someone who is actually married.  For the most part, I only saw the public face of marriage.  Not often, even from my own parents, did I see the private side.

From that perspective, I formed a lot of assumptions on what marriage was, how it functioned, why it existed.  Many of those assumptions were not entirely accurate. 

One misconception that I believed was that in marriage you learn more about your spouse. Sounds logical, right?  You're departing your life as an individual and becoming a unit. But I found that I was wrong. In marriage, you learn more about yourself.

Our marriage counselors from Between Two Trees told us in premarital counseling that marriage holds a mirror up in front of yourself.  You are forced to confront, in a new and more intimate way than before, the best and worst parts of yourself.

It's true.  You do learn about your spouse, but I think I've learned more about who I am, what my needs/likes/dislikes/foundations/beliefs are than I have learned about my husband.  I've come face-to-face with my state of internal growth.  Sometimes, its not pleasant.  It hurts to realize your inner desires and admit that they are selfish.  But that step is necessary, important, and vital to the strength and lasting of your marriage, to your personal growth.

This process, though, is extremely important to your marriage.  Your spouse is that mirror.  Sometimes, you don't want to look, but it is important that you do.  You take a good look.  You study what you see.  Then you turn to your spouse and say, "I want to make myself better.  And I want to do it for you and for me."

The process of making yourself a better, more perfect fit for your spouse is invaluable.

I'm new to this whole marriage thing, so beyond the realization that this process needs to happen, I have little experience.  What I do anticipate though is only good: a stronger and richer marriage.   



Soli Deo Gloria


Related posts:
The Transition from My to Our
'Til Death Do Us Part
525,949 Minutes of Marriage

When Two Are Better Than One

Awhile ago, I tackled the question "To Date or Not To Date" in a past blog post.  My answer: "Are you better together than you are individually?"

I believe you should only continue to date someone if you are better as a team, function better as a unit, than you do as individuals.

However, it remains to be said: relationships are tough and you must fight for them.

To Date or Not to Date

Disclaimer: I married my high school sweetheart and the only boyfriend I ever had.

I feel obligated to start with that statement for a post about dating.  People tend to throw that back at my face, saying, "I don't know what it feels like to have my heart broken," or something of the sort.  Yes, I know.  I have limited experience, and I don't know what it feels like.  Yes, I've got it pretty good, even great.

But that doesn't mean my experiences haven't taught me anything.

Never Ever Ever Ever Enough Time

If you really delve into this American society, one thing is pretty certain: you will never have enough time.

There are a million and one things demanding your time.  Exercise, self-improvement, hobbies, kids, church, work, work, and more work, family, friends, alone time, spouse time, music, Internet, Youtube, Facebook, Instagram, your phone, games, this blog, your blog, your hopes and your dreams.  Everything wants a piece of your precious time.

And guess what?  Time is the one of the few things you have that you cannot change.  You can improve your health.  You can earn more money.  You can get an education to gain more knowledge.  You can move up (or down) the social ladder, the economic ladder.  You can even change your gender if you want.  

But you cannot change how much time you have.  

'Til Death Do Us Part

Today, I was marveling at the power of commitment.  I said to my husband recently how comforting it was to know that I was stuck with him, 'til death do us part.

I dated my husband, Jon, for almost 8 years before we got married.  For most, that is an insane amount of time to be dating, yet even despite the years together, our commitment was still conditional. I remember we would be arguing or struggling through a particular issue, and I would wonder, "Is this man the one I want to spend the rest of my life with?" I would question whether or not God wanted me to marry this man.  My commitment to our dating relationship was strong but conditional; I was prepared to leave if it were for the best for us as individuals.

Now, we're married.  I never got a word from God to break up, and He eventually led Jon to lead us to marriage.  A phrase we'd grown fond of that we added to our marriage vows was, "No Matter What."  To us, it was a phrase that symbolized our unconditional commitment to each other.  Little did I know exactly what that would mean.

It is so comforting to know that Jon will not leave me, no matter what.  It makes me feel so secure knowing that I will always have someone by my side, who cares for my well-being.  We aren't perfect, and there will be times along the way that we make mistakes, both big and small, but there is such a power in even our attempt at unconditional love for each other.

I can't even imagine the truly unconditional love that God has for us.  If my love for my husband and his love for me makes me feel this secure, how much more God's love for me should turn my world upside down.  To have the Creator of the Universe promise to you, "I love you no matter what that not even death nor life, angels nor demons can take you away from my love for you," is something that I cannot even begin to unfold.